How-I-Met-Your-Mother-Pie-Chart-Favorite-Bars-BecauseYouGoogledMe

1st World Digital Marketing Problems

 

In essence, we must fail to succeed. – Daniel M. Christensen

What can you learn from reading LinkedIn updates? That everyone is an expert. Regardless of their field, every professional is convinced they must prove they have all the answers. Because of the inherent self-promotional attitude necessary, marketing professionals suffer from this “guru-mentality” at much higher percentages. Every marketer, especially in the digital realm, is convinced their methods will lead to success. They’ve tested, perfected and out-performed all of their peers.

The truth is, however, most digital marketers simply pick-and-choose segments of data, test results and insights to “Frankenstein” their own personal creed. No marketer likes to admit they’re still learning.

Luckily this method works. Too many executives, bosses and decision-makers know too little about the industry. They hear their business must exist online, but don’t know how truly make it grow. They understand social media is culture’s latest “fad,” and believe simply existing on Facebook will grow their business.

They want success, but don’t always believe in investing in true talent. True success comes from true talent. Talent’s the offspring of competition. To compete is to fail. And to fail is to learn. In essence, we must fail to succeed.

But before one can succeed, it is necessary to teach the inexperienced. In today’s corporate environment, all people, regardless of title, must keep social media in their mind. Today, no business-related action lives in isolation. It is crucial to include marketing teams in most business decisions, since each decision affects customers. And marketing teams are often the first point-of-contact for many customers. Whether through social media, email, or online review, customer’s opinions are often first heard by marketing teams.

Unfortunately, too many people are still unsure what digital marketing entails. It’s time we discussed today’s most common misconceptions.

1st World Digital Marketing Problems:

What my Boss thinks I do…

How-I-Met-Your-Mother-Pie-Chart-Favorite-Bars-BecauseYouGoogledMe

 

What my Co-Workers think I do…

Hamster-on-a-Piano-Derek-BecauseYouGoogledMe

 

What the Accounting Department thinks I do…

The-Joker-Burns-Money-Stack-BecauseYouGoogledMe

 

What the Web Designer thinks I do…

Zoolander-Files-in-Computer-BecauseYouGoogledMe

 

What the I.T. Guy thinks I do…

Hackers-I-Want-a-Cookie-BecauseYouGoogledMe

 

What Google Search thinks I do…

Cats-and-Kitties-BecauseYouGoogledMe

 

What my Customer’s Inbox thinks I do…

Hoarding-Burried-Alive-Newspapers-BecauseYouGoogledMe

 

What my Grandmother thinks I do…

Iron-Man-2-Touch-Screen-Scene-BecauseYouGoogledMe

 

What my Friends think I do…

South-Park-World-of-Warcraft-BecauseYouGoogledMe

 

What my Optometrist thinks I do…

Clockwork-Orange-Treatment-Scene-BecauseYouGoogledMe

 

What Teenagers think I do…

A-Night-at-the-Roxbury-BecauseYouGoogledMe

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Emma-Watson-Sofia-Vergaras-Gif-Morph-Strange-UpRoxx-BecauseYouGoogledMe

SHARE if You LIKE – My Libido is Confused

 

In today’s edition of SHARE if You LIKE, the least celebrated curation of topics the internet is already bored with, we’re talking about:

  • A sexually confusing gif of Emma Watson and Sofia Vergara
  • A porn adaptation cleverly titled ‘Sex-Factor’
  • ‘Gaytality’ being a thing
  • And SKITTLES!!!

So sit up, get hyped, and enjoy the most randomly amusing, out-of-context crap from across the interwebs.

 

This Fascinating And Horrifying Emma Watson GIF Will Never Make Sense

Emma-Watson-Sofia-Vergaras-Gif-Morph-Strange-UpRoxx-BecauseYouGoogledMe

My libido is confused…

 

 Gif of the Day: GoPro Parkour Jump

Parkour-Jump-GoPro-Roof-to-Roof-Cheezburger-BecauseYouGoogledMe

“Tank, load the jump program.”

 

‘Simpsons’ to Launch on FXX With 12-Day Marathon

The-Simpsons-Homer-Marge-BecauseYouGoogledMe

FXX will air all 552 “The Simpson’s” episodes as a marathon.

 

Outed Duke Porn Star Belle Knox is Going to Judge the Porn Version of ‘The X-Factor’

X-Factor-Porn-Version-Belle-Knox-UpRoxx-FilmDrunk-BecauseYouGoogledMe

The X-Factor just become pants-optionable

 

7 Priceless Items People Sold on eBay

Hollywood-Sign-Ebay-Priceless-Items-Sold-Mental-Floss-BecauseYouGoogledMe

The Hollywood sign is probably sitting on someone’s front lawn.

 

Ultimate Gay Fighter to change name in response to legal tangle

Ultimate-Gay-Fighter-Gaytality-Polygon-BecauseYouGoogledMe

“Finish Him” with a ‘Gaytality’ in Ultimate Gay Fighter… no more?

 

 The art of Limpfish

Groundskeeper-Willie-Van-Gogh-Limpfish-Abduzeedo-Pop-Culture-BecauseYouGoogledMe

A picture worth a thousand dollars

 

SKITTLES!!!!

SKITTLES-Vine-Aubrey-Nelson-BecauseYouGoogledMe

SKITTLES!!!!

 

Court Reporter Types ‘I Hate My Job’ Over And Over A la ‘The Shining’, Gets Fired Thirty Cases Later

The-Shinning-All-Work-and-No-Play-Makes-Jack-a-Dull-Boy-Geekologie-BecauseYouGoogledMe

“All work and no play make Jack hate his job.”

 

How to Win at 5 Classic Board Games

Monopoly-Evil-Mr-Moneybags-YouTube-BecauseYouGoogledMe

PRO TIP: Staying in jail as long as possible is the key to getting rich.

Behold the Wacky Twerking Inflatable Tube Girl

SHARE if You LIKE – Wacky Twerking Inflatable Tube Girl

Today’s SHARE if You LIKE featurette, is brought to you by the letter “K.” As in:

Me: “Hey I found some super sweet articles to curate today”

You: “K”

Behold the Wacky Twerking Inflatable Tube Girl

Behold the Wacky Twerking Inflatable Tube Girl

Great Skills. But whether they’re great knife-throwing skills, or CGI-type editing skills, is the real question.

Let the “Old English” meme-fodder begin

Let the “Old English” meme-fodder begin

Big Brother is disgusted by how much you touch yourself on webcam

Big Brother is disgusted by how much you touch yourself on webcam

The fountain of youth comes in a bottle. It’s called Photoshop

The fountain of youth comes in a bottle. It’s called Photoshop

If I were a veterinarian, I’d prescribe cuddles for everything

If I were a veterinarian, I’d prescribe cuddles for everything

Google’s executive chairman, Eric Schmidt, believes we’re all “creative and unpredictable special snowflakes.” #Comforted

Google’s executive chairman, Eric Schmidt, believes we’re all “creative and unpredictable special snowflakes.” #Comforted

King’s Cross Station is looking kinda grimey

King’s Cross Station is looking kinda grimey

Go home, Seahorse, you’re drunk

Go home, Seahorse, you’re drunk

You can now build your own Flappy Bird game. But I can’t be friends with anyone that does.

You can now build your own Flappy Bird game. But I can’t be friends with anyone that does.

It’s About Practice. Practice? Practice!

 

Thank you, Mr. Iverson.

I’ll take it from here. What we’re talking about is practice. Content practice. Digital marketing practice. Curating practice. Creative practicing. Taking the lessons learned (from the many failed experiments) and turning those into successes.

What started with an idea: “I’d like some way to represent the quotes that come to mind at the most random times.” Has lead way to the practice. Practicing one of the web’s newest and most favorited art forms. The gif.

The average person uses the gif as a quick-form expression of thought. Be it a topical, trending cultural event. Or a snippet from our favorite television show and movie. Or the relatable “reaction shot.” We consume, enjoy and share gifs like few other forms of new media.

But few people see the gif as a marketing tool. Most overlook its simple, often childish tone, as silly web fodder. This oversight, however, represents a missed opportunity for marketing. A medium for promoting a repetitive message. A never-ending communication.  An easy-to-share media format which people are welcome to share.

In today’s new-age of marketing, in which digital “best practices” are being re-written each day, the gif is content the internet wants to share.

So it all comes back to practice. Practicing the art form. Practicing the messaging. Practicing the technical aspects of creation. The concept. The design. The development. The marketing. And I practice each of these daily. Content marketing in the future will rely on those people capable of creating virality. Able to create original content and spread it to a receptive audience.

Which circles me back to my point, something I so rarely have (which reminds me of a terrible joke, I just made up, and created the meme for).

 

Let Me Circle Back to My Point, I Was on a Tangent

 

I created a gif. Admittedly stolen from “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey” . No, stolen seems harsh. It’s an homage to the famous SNL skit. The concept was simple enough: What to do with all the random, semi-insightful thoughts I have?” Once again stealing paying homage to the Subreddit known as “Shower Thoughts.” 

But honestly, my best thoughts come while upon my porcelain throne. So I went with “Toilet Thoughts by John W.C.” A multi-layered fart joke, if you will.

Quality quote aside, what this concept and design allowed me to do, was practice. What began as a non-existent understanding of Photoshop, has grown to a functioning understanding. I learned how to create a gif many moons ago. Today, I learned how to scroll text throughout each frame. Another tool for my marketing utility belt.

As time goes on, I’d like to expand upon this simple concept. Create new ones. Better quotes. Better backgrounds. Each time, improving my technical knowledge of content creation and Photoshop.

So without further adieu, I bestow upon the world…

"Toilet Thoughts" by John W.C.

Which came first? The Puppy Bowl or Keyboard Cat?

Which came first? The Puppy Bowl or the Keyboard Cat? Before you Google this rhetorical question, allow me to admit I am asking metaphorically.

The Puppy Bowl X received 13.5 million viewers .  It’s not hard to understand why.

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In the 7 years the Keyboard Cat has been  viral, it’s received over 34 million views on YouTube. There is no pinpointing exactly how many total views the video has across media platforms.

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But the Puppy Bowl received over 1/3rd  the total views Keyboard Cat has, in just a single day.

What’s obvious is people love animals (Shocking!).

Which came first, though, our fascination with our pets, or the popularity of them on the internet? If the Puppy Bowl was broadcast during the 50s, in black and white, would it receive the same ratings?

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No one questions our pet obsession, but why are kitty pics, dog videos and cat memes amongst the most popular form of content on the web?

How about an experiment? I triple-dog dare you to not watch this gif at least twice…

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The internet has written as much about this online phenomenon (SEE Cat-Conspiracy  and Cats vs. Dogs ), as it has shared animal images. Can it be as simple as cuteness?

My belief is it’s a deep-seated psychological crutch. Our News Feed, Home Pages and Inboxes are filled with bad news. Terrorism, war, depression. We see it every day of our lives. We go to work or school, and our days are filled with medial tasks we’d rather not do. I don’t believe I’m the first person to remind you, life is hard.

But our pets make us happy. Cat or dog, when we get home, our pet(s) always love us. Greet us. Comfort us. We love our pets, because above all else, they love us. Even when the rest of the world appears not to. Pets are one of the most fundamental similarities we all share as people.

So when we get home and turn on our computer, the cat meme or puppy video relieves our stress. Even if we don’t have a pet, we all mostly love animals. Or at least, the people worth knowing all love animals.

So we share animal media because it’s easy to do, makes us smile, and involves no thinking whatsoever. We have always loved our pets, but the internet has allowed us to more easily share this love. Feel comfortable swooning. Announce our obsession in anonymity. Relate to others that share our obsession. We feel connected to the world, and the people of it, because we are comforted by the fact other people share our interest.

So in conclusion, I suppose I don’t really have one. But I leave you with this scene from “The Wackness”  about people that don’t like dogs. Consider it the best 30 seconds of advice you’ll ever receive.

Oh, and P.S. ~ Cheezburger

After finally passing the old lady doing 30 with her blinker on in the fast lane…

“Pluck Yew” and Other Underused Uses for the Middle Finger

There’s an urban legend about the origin of the middle finger. According to lore, the French would cut off the middle finger of Englishman after defeat. The English longbow, made from the yew tree, was the ultimate weapon of the time. Once the middle finger was removed, the English would be unable to pluck the bow. However, as the story goes, when an Englishman defeated a Frenchman, they would stand above them, with middle finger extended. “I can still,” he would declare, “pluck yew. PLUCK YEW!”

The middle finger has evolved to become one of the most recognizable and versatile non-verbal words in our language (and I’d assume other languages as well, though I speak none of them).  The middle finger can communicate the entire spectrum of emotions. Perfect for most every situation.

Here’s a list of the many underused uses of our most versatile finger:

When you’re annoyed

aka: When someone giggles after I mention I’ve been to Band Camp
To let your finger say what your mouth cannot

aka: After finally passing the old lady doing 30 with her blinker on in the fast lane…

Just playing around

aka: My robot hand spells it “8008”

To stick it to the man (behind his back)

aka: Its my birthday and my neighbor called the cops to tell me the music was too loud

To rebel against authority

aka: Sure Dad, I’ll be home at 11

As an exclamation to your point

aka: And the winner of the Don’t Give a Fuck Olympics is…

To get the last word

aka: The last day of school

When you no longer have to give a shit

aka: Friday 5:01 p.m.

When you’ve just had enough already

aka: When a guys asks if you’re on your period…

To say ‘bye’ to a best friend

aka: When you unexpectedly see your best friend at the same place

When you’re wrong and still don’t G.A.F.

aka: After you scream at the cat for clawing the couch…

You absolutely love your children, but sometimes…

aka: So remember, kids, 1 + 1 = 2

If you’re suffering from creator’s block

aka: A Fuck Noir

When you’re all thinking the same thing

ala: When the teacher leaves the classroom…

Despite the results, you know you’re right

ala: The final fuck given

To let the people know how you really feel

aka: I’m the President, and I approve this message.

When you can’t really be that mad

aka: When you get insulted by your crush..

You’ve got nothing to lose

aka: Pardon me, Sir, but I call your bluff

To tell the world exactly how you feel

aka: What a lovely day for a fuck parade

When you’re cold, and wet, and tired

aka: The force is strong with this one…

When you can finally say how you really feel

aka: The subtext to every resignation letter

When you know you’re wrong but won’t admit it

aka: When you know you lost the argument…

When they couldn’t hear your insult

aka: Please, tell me more about your fantasy football team

When you’re too tired to argue

aka: Too lazy to give a fuck

Just minding your business and someone interrupts

aka: When my parents leave the room after bitching at me.

To politely declare your irritation

aka: Pardon me. Do you have any fucks to give?

Mondays Amirite?

It was a Photoshop kind-of-day. Here’s a collection of random pics, memes and gifs I created today, or my own amusement. Enjoy!

Hogwarts – Literally the Worst Name Ever

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“Oh no, you di-nnt”

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The moment I get drunk in the club…

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“A birthday wish from a stranger is worth double” – Happy Birthday Patton Oswalt

Happy-Birthday-Patton-Oswalt

The Gif the Internet has been Waiting for: Taylor Swift White Girl Dances

Taylor-Swift-White-Girl-Dancing

The Puppets of Our Future – Jim Henson would be so proud.

Puppet-Vomit

You don’t appreciate gravity, until you’re floating through space.

Floating-through-Space

Taylor Swift is America’s Sweetheart, Don’t You Agree? 

Taylor-Swift-is-America's-Sweetheart