When obtaining a mint condition Big Foot, be sure to seal it in a glass case to ensure its protection.

BREAKING: Big Foot is Real. Maybe.

BREAKING: Big Foot is Real. Maybe.

When obtaining a mint condition Big Foot, be sure to seal it in a glass case to ensure its protection.

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2nd Most Interesting Man in the World

I don’t always do the same thing as my brother, but when I do I disappoint Mother

 

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Which came first? The Puppy Bowl or Keyboard Cat?

Which came first? The Puppy Bowl or the Keyboard Cat? Before you Google this rhetorical question, allow me to admit I am asking metaphorically.

The Puppy Bowl X received 13.5 million viewers .  It’s not hard to understand why.

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In the 7 years the Keyboard Cat has been  viral, it’s received over 34 million views on YouTube. There is no pinpointing exactly how many total views the video has across media platforms.

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But the Puppy Bowl received over 1/3rd  the total views Keyboard Cat has, in just a single day.

What’s obvious is people love animals (Shocking!).

Which came first, though, our fascination with our pets, or the popularity of them on the internet? If the Puppy Bowl was broadcast during the 50s, in black and white, would it receive the same ratings?

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No one questions our pet obsession, but why are kitty pics, dog videos and cat memes amongst the most popular form of content on the web?

How about an experiment? I triple-dog dare you to not watch this gif at least twice…

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The internet has written as much about this online phenomenon (SEE Cat-Conspiracy  and Cats vs. Dogs ), as it has shared animal images. Can it be as simple as cuteness?

My belief is it’s a deep-seated psychological crutch. Our News Feed, Home Pages and Inboxes are filled with bad news. Terrorism, war, depression. We see it every day of our lives. We go to work or school, and our days are filled with medial tasks we’d rather not do. I don’t believe I’m the first person to remind you, life is hard.

But our pets make us happy. Cat or dog, when we get home, our pet(s) always love us. Greet us. Comfort us. We love our pets, because above all else, they love us. Even when the rest of the world appears not to. Pets are one of the most fundamental similarities we all share as people.

So when we get home and turn on our computer, the cat meme or puppy video relieves our stress. Even if we don’t have a pet, we all mostly love animals. Or at least, the people worth knowing all love animals.

So we share animal media because it’s easy to do, makes us smile, and involves no thinking whatsoever. We have always loved our pets, but the internet has allowed us to more easily share this love. Feel comfortable swooning. Announce our obsession in anonymity. Relate to others that share our obsession. We feel connected to the world, and the people of it, because we are comforted by the fact other people share our interest.

So in conclusion, I suppose I don’t really have one. But I leave you with this scene from “The Wackness”  about people that don’t like dogs. Consider it the best 30 seconds of advice you’ll ever receive.

Oh, and P.S. ~ Cheezburger

After finally passing the old lady doing 30 with her blinker on in the fast lane…

“Pluck Yew” and Other Underused Uses for the Middle Finger

There’s an urban legend about the origin of the middle finger. According to lore, the French would cut off the middle finger of Englishman after defeat. The English longbow, made from the yew tree, was the ultimate weapon of the time. Once the middle finger was removed, the English would be unable to pluck the bow. However, as the story goes, when an Englishman defeated a Frenchman, they would stand above them, with middle finger extended. “I can still,” he would declare, “pluck yew. PLUCK YEW!”

The middle finger has evolved to become one of the most recognizable and versatile non-verbal words in our language (and I’d assume other languages as well, though I speak none of them).  The middle finger can communicate the entire spectrum of emotions. Perfect for most every situation.

Here’s a list of the many underused uses of our most versatile finger:

When you’re annoyed

aka: When someone giggles after I mention I’ve been to Band Camp
To let your finger say what your mouth cannot

aka: After finally passing the old lady doing 30 with her blinker on in the fast lane…

Just playing around

aka: My robot hand spells it “8008”

To stick it to the man (behind his back)

aka: Its my birthday and my neighbor called the cops to tell me the music was too loud

To rebel against authority

aka: Sure Dad, I’ll be home at 11

As an exclamation to your point

aka: And the winner of the Don’t Give a Fuck Olympics is…

To get the last word

aka: The last day of school

When you no longer have to give a shit

aka: Friday 5:01 p.m.

When you’ve just had enough already

aka: When a guys asks if you’re on your period…

To say ‘bye’ to a best friend

aka: When you unexpectedly see your best friend at the same place

When you’re wrong and still don’t G.A.F.

aka: After you scream at the cat for clawing the couch…

You absolutely love your children, but sometimes…

aka: So remember, kids, 1 + 1 = 2

If you’re suffering from creator’s block

aka: A Fuck Noir

When you’re all thinking the same thing

ala: When the teacher leaves the classroom…

Despite the results, you know you’re right

ala: The final fuck given

To let the people know how you really feel

aka: I’m the President, and I approve this message.

When you can’t really be that mad

aka: When you get insulted by your crush..

You’ve got nothing to lose

aka: Pardon me, Sir, but I call your bluff

To tell the world exactly how you feel

aka: What a lovely day for a fuck parade

When you’re cold, and wet, and tired

aka: The force is strong with this one…

When you can finally say how you really feel

aka: The subtext to every resignation letter

When you know you’re wrong but won’t admit it

aka: When you know you lost the argument…

When they couldn’t hear your insult

aka: Please, tell me more about your fantasy football team

When you’re too tired to argue

aka: Too lazy to give a fuck

Just minding your business and someone interrupts

aka: When my parents leave the room after bitching at me.

To politely declare your irritation

aka: Pardon me. Do you have any fucks to give?

Mondays Amirite?

It was a Photoshop kind-of-day. Here’s a collection of random pics, memes and gifs I created today, or my own amusement. Enjoy!

Hogwarts – Literally the Worst Name Ever

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“Oh no, you di-nnt”

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The moment I get drunk in the club…

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“A birthday wish from a stranger is worth double” – Happy Birthday Patton Oswalt

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The Gif the Internet has been Waiting for: Taylor Swift White Girl Dances

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The Puppets of Our Future – Jim Henson would be so proud.

Puppet-Vomit

You don’t appreciate gravity, until you’re floating through space.

Floating-through-Space

Taylor Swift is America’s Sweetheart, Don’t You Agree? 

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Digital Marketing Cover Letter

My professional beliefs, in three quotes:

“It is less expensive to gain repeat business than it is to attract new business.”

– Daniel M. Christensen

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

– Gandhi

“The more you know, the more you know you don’t know, you know.”

– Daniel M. Christensen

 

The next great marketing frontier is web-based. And in the digital landscape, content reigns. Brands that incorporate content strategy and creation within their marketing campaigns will succeed. 21st century marketing will require funding a team of both experts and experimenters. Working synergistically.  Creating, promoting and sharing original content. These teams will curate trending content and build engagement with an audience of new and existing demographics. Inbound marketing will dominate the marketing plans of our future.

 

Traditions are comforting. The old way of doing things is easy to plan, measure and automate. Traditional marketing, perfected through years of innovation by thought-leaders, is a bubble waiting to burst. The consequence of businesses dragging their feet into the 21st century is being “unliked,” “unfollowed” or “downvoted.” To pun it another way, there are businesses buying postage when their customers are emailing, or investing in CDs when their demos are streaming Pandora.

 

I represent the last generation to equally split my youth between pre and post internet. I recall a time before cell phones and PCs. I’m from the era when AOL was THE internet. This hybrid development (part traditional, part digital) provides me with a unique perspective on the internet. I represent the last generation to write an equal number of reports utilizing an encyclopedia as Wikipedia.

 

My education and work experience are unique. I studied marketing, advertising and public relations. Then graduated with a B.A. in Communications. After I pursued a career in network engineering and desktop support. My technical, communication and problem solving skills promoted me through the I.T. industry. When I began work at Zimmerman Advertising, as a network engineer, I seized the opportunity to return to my passion for marketing/advertising, after 7 years.

 

To be perfectly candid, I won’t be the right candidate for every company. But to those in belief that: (1) a digital marketing revolution is unfolding, (2) content will evolve to be the media of marketing, and (3) inbound marketing and social engagement will increase business… let’s chat.

The Most Gif-able Music Video in a While

If you haven’t seen it, and don’t worry most haven’t with only 126k views on YouTube, “Fear & Delight” by The Correspondents is the most gif-able music video in quite a while.

It’s simple. Beautiful. Original. Repetitive. Mesmerizing. For a gif, it’s perfect.

Before long, their entire video will be broken up in to viral-sized gifs. Don’t believe me? And why would you, we hardly know each other.

But I’ve taken the time to put out the entire video…as a gallery of gifs.

Why you ask? Because it’s Friday.

The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 1 The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 2

The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 3 The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 4

The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 5 The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 6

The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 7 The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 8

The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 9 The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 10

The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 11 The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 12

The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 13 The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 14

The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 15 The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 16

The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 17 The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 18 The Correspondents - Fear & Delight 19

You can view the video, in its entirety, by clicking here: