The Elfie: The Selfie’s Best Friend

 

The Elfie – Infomercial Script

Are you tired of not getting enough likes on your selfie? Is your phone blocking too much of your good stuff? Are you so over relying on un-trustable mirrors to capture your beauty? Not anymore!

 

Introducing the Elfie. The magical elf who lets you take hands-free selfies. Simply attach the Elfie to any mirror, put your phone in his arms, and like magic, beautiful hands-free selfies. No more bad selfies. No more selfies with your cell blocking the good parts. No more awkward arm positions. The Elfie is the selfie’s best friend.

 

The secret to the Elfie is our patented, revolutionary suction cup technology. Simply moisten the suction cup 3000 with your tongue, and attach the Elfie to any mirrored surface. That’s it!

 

But that’s not all. The Elfie now comes in 3 different colors. Pick your favorite. Or choose them all. The Elfie comes in white, black and mixed.

 

Order now and receive the Travel Elfie. Fits perfectly on rear-view mirrors and windshields. Never worry about driving with one hand again. The Travel Elfie is the best way to take selfies while driving.

 

But don’t take our word for it. Ask Academy Award winning actress Jennifer Lawrence.

 

Jennifer Lawrence:

I love the Elfie. I own one for every mirror in my house. I’m not one for exaggeration, but it’s definitely the greatest invention of the 21st century. No question. I never worry ‘bout my cell blocking my cleavage. And to be honest, without going into too much detail, the Elfie has literally saved my life on 3 separate occasions. I love the Elfie.

 

Jennifer Lawrence uses the Elfie. And she’s rich and famous. Which makes her better than you. So you can trust her.

 

Order now. Only a limited supply remain. And once these sell out, you’ll have to wait until China builds more. So don’t wait. Call now.

 

V/O:

The Elfie is not responsible for you not getting likes on your Selfies. Some people are just ugly. The Elfie will not make you pretty. Using the Elfie is not recommended for seniors or pregnant woman. Taking selfies in general is not recommended for seniors or pregnant women. Do not attempt to swallow the Elfie. You will die.

 

Call Now!

 

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Say Goodbye to Father-Son Bonding; A Sam & Cat in the Cradle Tribute

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Playing catch. Going fishing. Sharing that first beer. Father-son bonding is a cherished tradition. But today, that tradition has taken a tragic hit. Watching Sam & Cat was an experience fathers and sons could share. As a children’s show on Nickelodeon, turning on Sam & Cat wouldn’t get Mother asking questions. It’s a kid’s show. On a kid’s network. About babysitting. What’s the harm?

“Sonny Boy is in good hands,” Father would say to Mother. “I’m just taking an interest in the things Sonny Boy likes,” he’d continue. And Mother would be pleased. “I’m just happy their spending quality time together,” she’d think to herself. And then she’d leave the room, off to tell her network of gossipers what a great Father he was.

So Father and Son would enjoy the show, together. Chuckling alongside the artificial laughter of the audience. Getting caught up in the suspense of yet another babysitting dilemma. And Son would enjoy the adventures of Sam & Cat. And Father would enjoy the double entendres. Son would take pleasure in whacky high jinks and low-brow jokes. And Father would take pleasure in whack-able short shorts and low cut shirts. And both Father and Son would bond. For different reasons, but nevertheless together.

And isn’t that what truly matters. Regardless of how creepy Father is, as long as he’s creepy with his Son, at least they’re bonding.

But today we say goodbye to father-son bonding, with a Sam & Cat in the Cradle tribute.

 

 

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SHARE if You LIKE – My Libido is Confused

 

In today’s edition of SHARE if You LIKE, the least celebrated curation of topics the internet is already bored with, we’re talking about:

  • A sexually confusing gif of Emma Watson and Sofia Vergara
  • A porn adaptation cleverly titled ‘Sex-Factor’
  • ‘Gaytality’ being a thing
  • And SKITTLES!!!

So sit up, get hyped, and enjoy the most randomly amusing, out-of-context crap from across the interwebs.

 

This Fascinating And Horrifying Emma Watson GIF Will Never Make Sense

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My libido is confused…

 

 Gif of the Day: GoPro Parkour Jump

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“Tank, load the jump program.”

 

‘Simpsons’ to Launch on FXX With 12-Day Marathon

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FXX will air all 552 “The Simpson’s” episodes as a marathon.

 

Outed Duke Porn Star Belle Knox is Going to Judge the Porn Version of ‘The X-Factor’

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The X-Factor just become pants-optionable

 

7 Priceless Items People Sold on eBay

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The Hollywood sign is probably sitting on someone’s front lawn.

 

Ultimate Gay Fighter to change name in response to legal tangle

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“Finish Him” with a ‘Gaytality’ in Ultimate Gay Fighter… no more?

 

 The art of Limpfish

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A picture worth a thousand dollars

 

SKITTLES!!!!

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SKITTLES!!!!

 

Court Reporter Types ‘I Hate My Job’ Over And Over A la ‘The Shining’, Gets Fired Thirty Cases Later

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“All work and no play make Jack hate his job.”

 

How to Win at 5 Classic Board Games

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PRO TIP: Staying in jail as long as possible is the key to getting rich.

"I don't always call - but when I do it's the Ghostbusters" ~ The Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World

The Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World

"I don't always read fairy tales - but when I do it's a Cinderella story" ~ Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World

Image"I don't always know my enemy - but when I do it's a varmint" ~ Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World"I don't always have regrets - but when I do it's Garfield, maybe" ~ The Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World"I don't always have sex with women - but when I do it's in the hole" ~ The Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World"I don't always have a rule about getting involved with possessed people - but when I do it's actually a guideline" ~ The Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World"I don't always obtain total consciousness - but when I do I got that goin' for me, which is nice" ~ The Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World"I don't always wear underwear - but when I do it's usually something unusual" ~ The Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World"I don't always kill - but when I do it's a Varmint Cong" ~ The Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World"I don't always make elaborate motivational speeches - but when I do there's something very, very wrong with us" ~ The Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World"I don't always call - but when I do it's the Ghostbusters" ~ Most Interesting Bill Murray in the World

How to explain Twitter to an alien, in one picture or less.

Fun with Photoshop – Oscars Selfie Edition

I must admit, my Photoshop skills need some work. And, according to all the meetings I attend, “admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery.”

I’m kidding. I don’t attend meetings. Who has time with so many Happy Hours.

Anyhow, where was I? Ah, yes. Practice.

What I’ve done is far from a masterpiece. But it is something I haven’t seen across the interwebs yet. Some of these are pretty basic. Others, just plain terrible. But as a whole, at the very least, they’re all “meh…”

Enjoy!

Selfie Game Level: Expert

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“You will love us. You will pay to see our movies. You will obey.”

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That Julia Roberts mask is awfully life-like.

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How to explain Twitter to an alien, in one picture or less.

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The Gang Takes Spring Beak in Cancun

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The Gang Experience Romance at the Eiffel Tower

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The Gang Visit the Great Wall of China

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The Gang Travel to the Moon.

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The Gang Do Some Sightseeing.

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It took me 42 hours, but I finally finished drawing my masterpiece

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In 100 years, someone will ask, “who the eff is that guy?”

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