“Pluck Yew” and Other Underused Uses for the Middle Finger

There’s an urban legend about the origin of the middle finger. According to lore, the French would cut off the middle finger of Englishman after defeat. The English longbow, made from the yew tree, was the ultimate weapon of the time. Once the middle finger was removed, the English would be unable to pluck the bow. However, as the story goes, when an Englishman defeated a Frenchman, they would stand above them, with middle finger extended. “I can still,” he would declare, “pluck yew. PLUCK YEW!”

The middle finger has evolved to become one of the most recognizable and versatile non-verbal words in our language (and I’d assume other languages as well, though I speak none of them).  The middle finger can communicate the entire spectrum of emotions. Perfect for most every situation.

Here’s a list of the many underused uses of our most versatile finger:

When you’re annoyed

aka: When someone giggles after I mention I’ve been to Band Camp
To let your finger say what your mouth cannot

aka: After finally passing the old lady doing 30 with her blinker on in the fast lane…

Just playing around

aka: My robot hand spells it “8008”

To stick it to the man (behind his back)

aka: Its my birthday and my neighbor called the cops to tell me the music was too loud

To rebel against authority

aka: Sure Dad, I’ll be home at 11

As an exclamation to your point

aka: And the winner of the Don’t Give a Fuck Olympics is…

To get the last word

aka: The last day of school

When you no longer have to give a shit

aka: Friday 5:01 p.m.

When you’ve just had enough already

aka: When a guys asks if you’re on your period…

To say ‘bye’ to a best friend

aka: When you unexpectedly see your best friend at the same place

When you’re wrong and still don’t G.A.F.

aka: After you scream at the cat for clawing the couch…

You absolutely love your children, but sometimes…

aka: So remember, kids, 1 + 1 = 2

If you’re suffering from creator’s block

aka: A Fuck Noir

When you’re all thinking the same thing

ala: When the teacher leaves the classroom…

Despite the results, you know you’re right

ala: The final fuck given

To let the people know how you really feel

aka: I’m the President, and I approve this message.

When you can’t really be that mad

aka: When you get insulted by your crush..

You’ve got nothing to lose

aka: Pardon me, Sir, but I call your bluff

To tell the world exactly how you feel

aka: What a lovely day for a fuck parade

When you’re cold, and wet, and tired

aka: The force is strong with this one…

When you can finally say how you really feel

aka: The subtext to every resignation letter

When you know you’re wrong but won’t admit it

aka: When you know you lost the argument…

When they couldn’t hear your insult

aka: Please, tell me more about your fantasy football team

When you’re too tired to argue

aka: Too lazy to give a fuck

Just minding your business and someone interrupts

aka: When my parents leave the room after bitching at me.

To politely declare your irritation

aka: Pardon me. Do you have any fucks to give?

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